Category Archives: Love

My Best Friend

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Last night I was talking to my best friend and I realised something. It came after a fairly serious conversation. We’d been talking about the operation he needs on his back, how it’ll mean he can’t drive for 4 weeks, how his pay is going to be effected as he’ll need to take some time off. What we’ll do while he can’t drive (I can’t drive full stop and his house is really far away & nowhere near a train station) Our future, when we want to move in together, have another baby.That stuff. We talked as we do, about Chops and his relationship with her. We’ve talked about the … Continue reading →

Regrets

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Tonight has been one of those evenings where my mind has been haunted by memories of my past relationships. This happens to me quite a lot. Not so much about Chops’ Dad, that comes in fits and bursts throughout the day, I am attacked by those memories several times daily still but I am getting better at pushing them aside. Tonight I’ve been thinking about D. We were together less than a year, we had two break ups in that year. I feel over him now but it haunts my mind when I think about that relationship. I didn’t think that after everything that happened with Chops’ Dad that I … Continue reading →

Trust

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Trust. A loaded gun in the English language if ever there was one. Sure, we know what it means. But what it means to me and what it means to you or our partners, or either of our best friends could be two, or three, or four dozen very different things. I’ll give you an example. My best friend got married this year, she has been with her husband for about four years. About a month before the wedding, she was in the car with him (he was driving) and their daughter and he asked her to send a text to his brother letting him know they were on the … Continue reading →

The Good Parent Guide.

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This post is actually going to come with a dedication. Why the heck not. This post is to everyone who has ever looked despairingly at their child(ren) or their own reflection in the mirror and thought “Am I doing this right?” Or even “I’m really not doing this right!”. But especially, this is dedicated to my friend Rachel aka Mummy Glitzer. I have spent many, and I do mean many, many, many MANY hours in the last three years worrying. About my capabilities as a parent. I wonder if perhaps, I feel that burden weighs heavier on my shoulders as I’m a single parent and therefore I have to be two people’s … Continue reading →

Four

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Babies. I’m obsessed with them at the moment. I’ve met the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, he feels the same about me. And so… “Procreate, procreate, procreate!” screams my uterus. I have never experienced ‘being broody’ before. Chops was born out of a very different relationship under very different circumstances. I was only 23 then not very young granted, but younger than I saw myself when I looked into the crystal ball of my future. I’m almost 27 now and my little girl is two and a half. Not a massive different in numbers but a complete transformation in all other manners. Although I’m also … Continue reading →

Safe

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I’m writing this after watching tonight’s Panorama about Jimmy Saville. About the possibility of unspeakably dark things going on within the BBC, that were gossiped about and suspected by dozens of people. As with anything like this, I watch, I listen, and I think of my beautiful daughter who is asleep upstairs. I won’t pretend to have the monopoly on loving my child. I believe that the love I feel for my daughter is the greatest love ever felt by one human for another. But of course, I realise  each of you parents out there feels the same. But despite the unease this programme has given me, tomorrow, I will … Continue reading →

Meeting You

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You were due on a Tuesday. 13th April 2010. I was huge, as you are at 9 months pregnant. We lived with your Dad still, I won’t talk too much about that aspect of it right now though. We have all the time you need for you to talk about that and ask the questions I’m sure you will one day have. The phone was going mental, people texting every five minutes to ask if you were here yet. Erm, no. Oddly enough, when I have, I won’t be keeping it a secret. I’d cleaned the house, washed everything, washed and dried your clothes, ironed them, organised them into drawers… … Continue reading →

Image

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Before I start. I’m sorry. Sometimes, I look in the mirror and I hate what I see. Not in a pouty, girl posing and saying it for attention way. Really. Before I get my hair sorted and I layer on my make up, when my hair is all matted and frizzy and generally awful and I’ve got pores you could fall into, huge bags under my eyes, and I’m all pasty and grey looking, when I look at myself- my actual self, not the self I spend making myself look like before I go out, it makes me feel horrible. Over the summer, I lost 10lbs and felt great. But … Continue reading →

Nope, no extra crazy here today thank you!

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So, today has been an official pyjama day in the house of myself & Chops. I have done no housework, no proper stuff, not even got dressed- either of us! We have just chilled out in our pyjamas and do you know what, it was exactly what we needed. We haven’t had any days where we just do nothing together without anyone or anything else interrupting us in ages and sometimes it good to just be together without any extras. And then along comes an ex boyfriend and pisses all over my chips. Here’s the story. When I was 21, I spent half of my 2nd year at uni living in Wagga … Continue reading →

Scars

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On his right arm, my boyfriend G has a number of scars. He has a few in other places too, but the ones on his arm are the ones I’d wondered about. They are lines, two of them horizontal, and a couple of fainter ones diagonally between them, in a sort of backwards ‘Z’ shape. I’ve been wondering about them for a while because given how straight they are, there’s surely only a few ways he could have gotten them; either these are stab wounds, the skin has that slightly puckered, stretched look about it, or they have been done with a razor blade. They are too straight to have … Continue reading →