Category Archives: Struggling

The Basket That Didn’t Exist

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This post is kind of over due and a few of you will have seen me harping on about it on twitter, but I feel like I need to get it blogged and have the full story on here as its bloody long & complicated to try and explain in a tweet. In November, I received a Facebook message from the head of department in a school I did some work experience at in 2011, asking me if I was working and saying that although she couldn’t say too much at this stage there may be an opportunity coming up that she thought I’d be perfect for- would I be … Continue reading →

Changing

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I think I need a new job. I’ve worked part time in pubs and restaurants on and off for the last 11 years, I’ve done bar work since I was 18. Fair to say it’s starting to get me down. Some of you who follow me on twitter were kind enough to help me last week when I was in work and had a … well I’m not really sure what to call it. A blip? I was working and surrounded by people I like and who like me, and a couple of hundred strangers out enjoying their Saturday nights. And for some reason, that black cloud rolled over me. … Continue reading →

One Million Reps

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So, on Monday I saw my best bud from uni and took great joy in telling him; “Hey, here’s a sentence we’ve been waiting to hear me say for a while- ‘I’m going to therapy tomorrow!’”. And we had a good laugh and, yeah. Very little else was said about it. That’s the way it is though I suppose. That’s what my blog is for, airing out all the stuff that the real world aren’t really sure how to react to. Yesterday, that something was therapy. Or counselling I suppose. Whatever name you wish to give going to your doctors surgery and chatting to a man you’ve never met for … Continue reading →

The Good Parent Guide.

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This post is actually going to come with a dedication. Why the heck not. This post is to everyone who has ever looked despairingly at their child(ren) or their own reflection in the mirror and thought “Am I doing this right?” Or even “I’m really not doing this right!”. But especially, this is dedicated to my friend Rachel aka Mummy Glitzer. I have spent many, and I do mean many, many, many MANY hours in the last three years worrying. About my capabilities as a parent. I wonder if perhaps, I feel that burden weighs heavier on my shoulders as I’m a single parent and therefore I have to be two people’s … Continue reading →

Safe

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I’m writing this after watching tonight’s Panorama about Jimmy Saville. About the possibility of unspeakably dark things going on within the BBC, that were gossiped about and suspected by dozens of people. As with anything like this, I watch, I listen, and I think of my beautiful daughter who is asleep upstairs. I won’t pretend to have the monopoly on loving my child. I believe that the love I feel for my daughter is the greatest love ever felt by one human for another. But of course, I realise  each of you parents out there feels the same. But despite the unease this programme has given me, tomorrow, I will … Continue reading →

Absent Familiy

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You probably know if you’ve read my blog before (I thank you) that I’m not in contact with my daughters father, (if not it’s here if you need bringing up to speed). I’m very lucky in that I have both of my parents nearby, Mum in Buxton, 5 minutes away from me and her husband, and Dad in Manchester with his wife and two step-sisters. My sister lives in Buxton, as do my Aunt and three cousins. My brother has been living on the Isle of Skye for the last 7 months but now he’s back and living in Buxton too. So I’m lucky. Her Dad might have opted out but … Continue reading →

Millionaire

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Confession time: I think I’m a little bit addicted to ‘playing’ the lottery. Those of you who’ve been reading my blogs for a while or follow me on twitter will probably know that I HATE gambling. I have no time for it whatsoever. After being with a man who would steal my bank card to put money onto poker websites, or who took the back payment of Chops’ child benefit and put the whole lot into a fruit machine, I’ve come to take a fairly strong viewpoint on it. But that doesn’t stop me on Tuesdays & Fridays spending £2 on a Euromillions ticket. I’m not a proper scary addict … Continue reading →

Scars

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On his right arm, my boyfriend G has a number of scars. He has a few in other places too, but the ones on his arm are the ones I’d wondered about. They are lines, two of them horizontal, and a couple of fainter ones diagonally between them, in a sort of backwards ‘Z’ shape. I’ve been wondering about them for a while because given how straight they are, there’s surely only a few ways he could have gotten them; either these are stab wounds, the skin has that slightly puckered, stretched look about it, or they have been done with a razor blade. They are too straight to have … Continue reading →