They say that every man’s home is his castle. Well as I’m sure many of you will agree, every Mummy’s home is her palace. The palace of her and her little Prince or Princesses.My home is most certainly that to me and my Snoo. After we left the horrible ex which I talked about in Surviving, we had the good fortune to find the home we now call ours. We were incredibly lucky finding this house, I had viewed in a few days a number of flats and houses which were either a mess, massively overpriced, on a main road which was no good with Snoo being so young, damp and a whole series of problems. Then by coincidence, I was viewing a flat on the same road as my parents house & we bumped into the landlord on his way out.

The landlord knew my parents, had once upon a time been the builder on their house, had in fact attended their wedding, had therefore met me once upon a time when I was their bridesmaid. He told us that although

he had the flat we’d just viewed, he also had a small 2 bed house not far away which might be more suitable for me. We drove over and I immediately knew I wanted it. It was perfect. Small but plenty big enough for us two. A few minutes walk from the shops. Near to my family. Tucked away enough that no-one would know where we were.

The house was up for sale but he was happy to rent until it sold. My heart was in my mouth, finally, I had found somewhere I could bring my Snoo and we would be safe together.

Then he told me the price and my heart dropped. I felt myself wanting to cry. I couldn’t afford it. I mumbled that I was sorry but I couldn’t afford that much.. “How much can you afford?” he asked looking at the 14 week old baby in my arms. I told him what I could afford. “Then that’s how much it is” he said “Don’t worry I can let you have it for that.” I could honestly have wept. We moved in a few days later and have been here since. In this story, my landlord is my Knight In Shining Armour.

I cannot describe how much this little house means to me. It’s nothing special, it’s a little end terrace, old like all the houses are around here, it’s very cold in winter but it is ours. Although this was not the house I brought my newborn child home to, this has been our first home. I have worked hard to make it ours as well while we have been here. We decorated the second bedroom for Snoo and it is beautiful. A real princesses bedroom. This is the home she has grown up in so far, where she first rolled over, took her first steps, said her first words.

I have always known that this house was only mine until it sold, but due to the current markets I have been fortunate. We have been here since August 2010 and in all this time, only one person has been to view it and nothing came of that. But today my landlord called (significantly not the estate agents) and he has someone who is interested in the property. Tomorrow, I have to open the door to someone who could buy the house and take what we have made here away from us.

I know I am panicking. I know that they may not even like it and even if they do a million things can go wrong in selling a house. But just the call to say it’s a possibility has been enough to throw me into turmoil.

I feel as though my palace is under siege and I cannot defend it. I want to sabotage the viewing somehow but the landlord will be there and that would be wrong anyhow, I wouldn’t do that to him when he has been so kind. During the phone call, he obviously could hear my fears, he even reassured me “Don’t worry if it goes I’ve a few other properties you can have your pick of, I’ll look after you”. I could not ask for more. Except to stay here. For it to be my decision when we move on from here.

So tonight, I will spend my evening hopping between my laptop and furiously cleaning the house, making sure it looks as well as it would if I were the one trying to sell it. I will tell myself I am ridiculous for being so worried, that it will all work out for the best, that we are lucky and we’ll be fine whatever happens tomorrow. I will lose myself in furious scrubbing and trying not to be afraid that we could soon lose this place. I cannot stand the thought.