I am Sara. I am Chops’ Mummy. I am 26 and I am 204 first thing in the morning. I am so many things I never saw myself becoming. I never saw myself having my first child at 24, with a man I had only known 18 months before she was born. I never saw myself becoming the victim of domestic abuse- I’m often the stronger one in my relationships. I’m not the quiet retiring sought who you would imagine would be easily dominated. When the truth came out about why I had disappeared from my friends lives and no-one had heard from me for months on end, my best friends Mum admitted she found it difficult to believe. She could not imagine that I ‘of all people’ would ever stand for that. I am a graduate. I left University in 2008 with a 2:1 in English and a distinction from the Australian university where I opted to spend one semester studying Australian Literature, Creative Writing and Children’s Literature. I would have loved to continue my studied on to a Masters but couldn’t afford to. I am so many things underneath my daily role as a mother. I am a lover of music and in my previous life I loved nothing more than a night out in Manchester with my mates, watching a couple of gigs then on to drink into the night until the sun comes up. I am now “Nothing But Words And Wine” but I will now be the girl who passes out in the toilet if she has more than two glasses. I used to be the girl who could drink the boys under the table. I am a consumer of books but I am now on a diet compared with my pre-Chops appetite for literature. Once you would have found my bedside table piled high with the greats, Aldous Huxley, William Fowler, Salman Rushdie. Now you will find Marian Keys and Jodi Piccolt. I am struggling to get my mind around my depression. I was diagnosed last October but it had taken a long time for me to finally take myself off to the doctor. My health visitor wanted me to see someone after Chops was born but I put it down to circumstances. Truth be told I still do. The darker moments this illness takes me to leave me feeling my life is already almost over. I am 26 but I have nothing of my own. I work part time in a crappy job that I’ve done since I was 18. I left the only good job I had at my ex’s insistence before I became pregnant. I was too afraid of him to refuse him anything. I fear I will never have my own career. My own home. Happiness. Acceptance. I do not fear being on my own forever, my life’s dedication is my daughter, not my relationships so if I end up alone that would be fine. But I fear the loneliness. I am alone so much of the time. I am unhappy with who I am and what I have become so much of the time. Almost two years ago, the meaning of my life came into this world and everything I am changed forever. Now I am a mother. So despite all I have been through. Despite my fear. Despite my unhappiness with myself. I will take all I have to give and pour it into this little girl, who is nothing short of a miracle in my eyes. She is so intelligent and happy, so outgoing and becoming so confident in herself. She loves life, she loves Her Life and she Loves Me. My Daughter is All I Am. And for that, I will keep going. For her, I will build on everything I am not and keep trying. With my Daughters hand in mine I can re-discover faith in happy endings.