Tag Archives: G

Domestic Bliss & Bloodshed

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Two weeks ago, G had an operation on his back. He slipped a disc last March and finally the date arrived to get it sorted. This of course is wonderful, but it does mean that he a) cannot drive for 6 weeks, b) cannot work for 6- possibly 8 because he’s a chef and his work is very physical- weeks, and c) because of a & b, he’s living with me while he’s off. This is a huge adjustment for us. G works five days a week, leaving at 9am and usually arriving home around midnight as the restaurant is a 45 minute drive from my house. So although I’m now in … Continue reading →

Cold Turkey

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After about 18 months of antidepressants I have semi decided semi accidentally gone cold turkey. That’s right folks. I am going drug free. I know I’m supposed to see my GP about this but let me explain: I’ve recently finished having weekly counselling sessions and emotionally, I feel in a much stronger place than I have been in a long while. There have been some let downs in terms of trying to get back into work lately, but after a couple of days licking my wounds and feeling disappointed and angry, I reckon I’ve come back fighting and got on with finding out what’s next for me. Of course I was upset… … Continue reading →

My Best Friend

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Last night I was talking to my best friend and I realised something. It came after a fairly serious conversation. We’d been talking about the operation he needs on his back, how it’ll mean he can’t drive for 4 weeks, how his pay is going to be effected as he’ll need to take some time off. What we’ll do while he can’t drive (I can’t drive full stop and his house is really far away & nowhere near a train station) Our future, when we want to move in together, have another baby.That stuff. We talked as we do, about Chops and his relationship with her. We’ve talked about the … Continue reading →

Regrets

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Tonight has been one of those evenings where my mind has been haunted by memories of my past relationships. This happens to me quite a lot. Not so much about Chops’ Dad, that comes in fits and bursts throughout the day, I am attacked by those memories several times daily still but I am getting better at pushing them aside. Tonight I’ve been thinking about D. We were together less than a year, we had two break ups in that year. I feel over him now but it haunts my mind when I think about that relationship. I didn’t think that after everything that happened with Chops’ Dad that I … Continue reading →

Four

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Babies. I’m obsessed with them at the moment. I’ve met the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, he feels the same about me. And so… “Procreate, procreate, procreate!” screams my uterus. I have never experienced ‘being broody’ before. Chops was born out of a very different relationship under very different circumstances. I was only 23 then not very young granted, but younger than I saw myself when I looked into the crystal ball of my future. I’m almost 27 now and my little girl is two and a half. Not a massive different in numbers but a complete transformation in all other manners. Although I’m also … Continue reading →

Image

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Before I start. I’m sorry. Sometimes, I look in the mirror and I hate what I see. Not in a pouty, girl posing and saying it for attention way. Really. Before I get my hair sorted and I layer on my make up, when my hair is all matted and frizzy and generally awful and I’ve got pores you could fall into, huge bags under my eyes, and I’m all pasty and grey looking, when I look at myself- my actual self, not the self I spend making myself look like before I go out, it makes me feel horrible. Over the summer, I lost 10lbs and felt great. But … Continue reading →

Overwhelmed

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Today G and I took Chops to look around a nursery. Our first choice is now taking places for entry in September 2013 so off we went to take a look and start the process of getting her name down. The visit went well, but it has left my head kind of swimming. Chops is 3 in April, so will get her 15 hours government funding from September. Once she’s in nursery, I plan to either return to full time work or embark upon my PGCE Qualification. That in itself is a huge decision and whenever I start to really think about it, I start to go cross eyed, I … Continue reading →

Houdini

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In the period of time between my last relationship & G coming into my life, I ventured out into the terrifying world of dating. Not just dating either. Online dating. Having worked out ok for me once (that’s how I’d met my ex), I had faith in the experiment which it turned out was not quite as sceptical as it could/should have been. I went into the whole thing too quickly to be honest, my heart and ego were still badly bruised from how it had all ended with D and I was in a “I’ll show him!” frame of mind. Believing, tragically and naively that finding someone who wanted me, in whatever respect, would make … Continue reading →

The Honeymoon Period

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So at risk of boring you all to tears with reference to this new found love of mine (be warned, I’m just getting started), a conversation about G and myself got me thinking tonight about the so called “Honeymoon Phase”. Now I met G around April and we’ve been something of a fairly serious ‘thing’ since sometime around June. Now I know all those of you who have been together or even married and have children and mortgages may be scoffing at me “Serious? Three months and you’re calling it serious?!”. Well, yes actually I am. But that in itself is just my point. Already at this stage in the game, many a … Continue reading →

Scars

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On his right arm, my boyfriend G has a number of scars. He has a few in other places too, but the ones on his arm are the ones I’d wondered about. They are lines, two of them horizontal, and a couple of fainter ones diagonally between them, in a sort of backwards ‘Z’ shape. I’ve been wondering about them for a while because given how straight they are, there’s surely only a few ways he could have gotten them; either these are stab wounds, the skin has that slightly puckered, stretched look about it, or they have been done with a razor blade. They are too straight to have … Continue reading →